Why You Should Focus on Mindset if You Want to Be Happier

Why should you focus on your mindset if you want to flip your life?

Too often we are focused on our external circumstances when we think about being happier. We will be happier when we get the kitchen renovated, get that promotion at work, or finally lose the extra fifteen pounds from that last pregnancy nine years ago. But, the truth is, none of those things have the power to make people happy. Instead, we just need to flip our thinking—aka our mindset! Only by focusing on your mindset can you feel happier.

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Your mindset has profound effects on everything: self-esteem, health, relationships, and careers. Your mindset is even more powerful than your circumstances in setting the course of your life, and in terms of how happy and content you feel.  Unlike random circumstances, mindset is something you can learn to control and change.  With some specific activities and intentions, you can radically flip your reactions to common experiences in your life.

 

But, as with any change, it’s tough. Every day we have to scroll though endless bad news in our social media feeds, or yet another natural disaster somewhere in the world. But what affects us even more is that nagging voice in our heads that are constantly whining, “I’m so tired,” “I’m fat,” “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

 

And when you feel crappy, you radiate crappy, and you attract crappy. I’m sure you’ve heard of the Law of Attraction, that law that says your negative mindset will just keep attracting more negativity in your life. Well, it’s true. And once you focus on your mindset, you’ll see just how powerful the Law of Attraction is. So, stop using it against you, and start using it as your tool to flip your life.

 

Sadly, we often miss seeing the wonderful things in our life.  You know the old saying, “Stop and smell the roses.” Well, do you? I mean seriously, do you? How often do you take a walk and truly appreciate nature? Watching the sunrise or the sunset is an awe-inspiring thing. It’s 100% free, and it happens Every. Single. Day. And yet, we miss it.


Why is it so damn hard to stay in that happy, positive place?

Journaling is a great way to focus on mindset

Journaling is a great way to focus on mindset

 

Because thought patterns are learned, and once they are ingrained in your mind, your mind tries to keep you in that space.  The more you allow yourself to repeat negative thoughts, the more ingrained these thoughts become in your mind, and the harder it is to flip those thoughts and your mindset. If you want to flip your life, you must focus on your mindset so that you can be happier and more content. And they way to do that is to train your brain. If you want a fit body, you need to train. If you want a fit mind, you need to train, as well.

 

But how? Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ve created a super-simple, 5-Day 40yearflip Mindset Challenge to get you flipping that mindset from negative to positive. It’s easy and painless, and totally FREE. And, it’s designed to make it easy for you to start focusing on mindset and actively working to flip that mindset from negative to positive.


If you want to create great things in your life, then you have to start by expecting yourself to achieve great things. Ready?  Let’s do this! Click on the link below to join, and an email from me will zoom straight to your inbox.



 

Flip: A Bad Day into a Manageable One with Self-Care Activities

Reading for Self Care on a Bad Day

Reading for Self Care on a Bad Day

Bad days, we’ve all had them. We will all, inevitably, have more of them. But, my 40yearflip friends, it’s how we deal with these bad days that separates the old us from the new us. When you have a bad day, you might find yourself popping a bottle of Cabernet, and ordering a pizza to numb yourself out on alcohol and carbs. I’ve been totally guilty of that a hundred times (ok, maybe more like a thousand.)

But, over time, I’ve flipped the carb-stuff and booze-binge for a better option—self-care activities. Don’t get me wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a good glass of wine or a good slice of pizza every now and then. In fact, I indulge in both regularly. It’s only bad if you are using these things to numb-out. When you indulge in the things you like to eat and drink, it should be done for the simple pleasure of it.

Read a Good Book

My number-one, go-to, most-favorite way to banish the blahs of a bad day is to dive into a good book. Books are magical; they transport you out of your everyday life and plop you into someone else’s. When you immerse yourself in a story, the thoughts that give you stress, kind of lay low for a while.

In fact, if the negative thoughts that were bringing you down, were actually not as bad as you let yourself believe, there’s a good chance that by the time you stop reading, those negative thoughts will have faded away.

Netflix and Giggle

Comedy is a powerful tool for mood lifting, and I’m not joking. Don’t underestimate the power of laughing! If you are having a terrible day, tune in to a funny movie or TV show. Re-watching an old favorite comedy can make you and laugh and bring back good memories as well.

You know the old saying, “laughter is the best medicine?” That’s because laughter releases endorphins, your body’s happy chemicals, making you feel instantly happier. This, in turn, decreases stress and boosts immunity! So laugh yourself silly, happy, and healthy.

Get Out of the House

If you feel like the walls are coming in on you, or if you feel like you are beginning to cocoon yourself into your house, it’s time to get out and see some different scenery and some actual humans. If this is you, then getting out to socialize and meet up with friends might be your best bet.

When you find yourself doing nothing but working and going home, you may simply need another outlet. Try meeting co-workers for drinks after work or calling up a friend to have a girls’ night out. I suggest downloading the meetup app, and finding a group-based activity to partake in. Get a little bit out of your comfort zone and it can be very good for you.

Spending Time with Friends as Self Care

Spend More Time with Friends and Family

I know I tend to cocoon myself into my own little world when I’m not feeling 100% emotionally. I tend to cut myself off a bit. But that’s no bueno! Whenever you notice this happening to you, you’ve got to flip that behavior and reach out to the people who make you happy. This was a hard flip for me to make in my life, and even though it sounds simple, like all things, sometimes it’s not. 

Spending more time with your loved ones can be great for self care. Many people think being alone is the only way to take care of themselves and relieve stress, but sometimes the best thing for you is being around others. Think about your daily lifestyle and what tends to stress you out. You might find that you feel worse when you are constantly alone, but your mood seems to lift on happy hour night or when visiting your best friend. This is a good sign that what you really need is to get out and spend more time with others.

Get Social Online

We are more connected now, by more devices and apps than we have ever been. There is literally no reason to ever feel alone and disconnected. Get active on social media with like-minded people. Hit me and other 40yearflip friends up on Facebook, or Instagram.

Find other Facebook pages and Instagram pages to interact on based on your interests. There are pages for everything from specific TV show fandoms to reading clubs to gardening, you name it, there’s a Facebook page for it. And don’t be afraid to jump in and post and participate. Social media is SOCIAL, that’s the damn point. And these pages thrive on activity and couldn’t exist without interaction.

Ok, ladies, tuck these self-care activity ideas into the folds of your brain and pull them out next time you are feeling down in the doldrums. Comment below on what self-care activities work for you, and/or, just for fun, what you like on your pizza when you AREN’T eating it to numb-out.


Flip Your Mornings from Frantic to Fantastic with a Morning Routine

Give Yourself the Time and Space to Implement a Morning Routine

Give Yourself the Time and Space to Implement a Morning Routine

Having a good, solid, morning routine that nurtures from the very start of your day, is one of the best ways to practice self care, and to get your day of to a calm, good-vibe start. There’s only one thing that’s hard about starting a morning routine, and that’s actually starting a morning routine. As they say, the first step’s a doozy.

I know that most of us, first thing in the morning, want nothing more than to just keep sleeping. However, I promise you, if you make this small flip, from snoozing-button-pushing, to giving yourself the gift of extra you-time in the morning, you will come to love your morning routine.

Like most things, morning routines are personal. What works for one person, won’t work for another person. So, my 40yearflip friends, I’ll just toss a few ideas at you and, you decide which of these would work best for you.

Get Cozy with Your Favorite Morning Beverage

Whether you drink coffee or tea in the morning, you can make this part of your self care ritual. Don’t do as I used to and pour your caffeine fix into your to-go cup and chug it down in the car on the way to work. That’s not enjoying your morning beverage; that’s gulping it down just for the caffeine jolt.

Everything you eat and drink should be consumed for the health of your body, or to enjoy the taste, the temperature, the texture, and the experience food and drink can give you. Savor your bites and your sips, always. 

Try to have your first cup of coffee in the morning all alone and in silence. Make it just the way you like it. Serve it to yourself in your favorite mug and savor it. Really, savor your drink. Take a minute to appreciate the smell and taste.

You can read the paper, write in your journal, or sit on your patio and listen to the birds chirping as the sun comes up while you enjoy your beverage. This is another great reason to wake up a little earlier than everyone else in your household. You will be amazed at how much better you feel with just a few minutes to yourself.

Morning Routine as Self Care

Spend a Some Time with a Book

If you can set your alarm for an earlier time, it gives you the chance to catch up on your reading. Find a book that is inspirational and helps motivate you for the day. In the morning, I tend to reach for self-development books or other nonfiction. I like to be inspired in the mornings. I save fiction for the evenings.

Read just a few pages or a whole chapter, depending on how much free time you have. This can be while you are having your morning coffee, or if you are listening to an audiobook, during your morning walk. This gives you some time in the morning to not worry about what’s ahead, or get stuck in planning mode. 

Avoid the Internet 

You want isn’t self care? Doing what almost everyone does when they have a few minutes in the morning, getting online. Stressing yourself out over work email is the opposite of self care. Reading they typos in Donald Trump’s tweets is the opposite of self care. The same goes for checking your calendar, reading the news, and scrolling Facebook. Flip this behavior right on out of your life.

There’s plenty of time, later in the day to do all those things. When you are trying to start a new morning routine for self care purposes, you should unplug all devices. Don’t spoil your morning by letting your cell phone feed you stress. I put my cell phone on Do Not Disturb mode before I go to bed, and I don’t take it off until I’ve officially started my work day. 

Meditate for Ten Minutes

The morning is also the ideal time to meditate and repeat mantras. Mantras are sayings or words that help to center your focus and make it easier to meditate. You can also try breathing exercises or traditional meditation. If you want to take a walk in the morning, that can also help you to meditate.

What does your morning routine look like? Be honest! It’s ok if it’s less than zen right now. We are all here to learn and flip those habits. Tell us below so we can be inspired (or, if your morning routine is in progress, so we can commiserate!) Got a great pic of what your mornings look like? Tag us on IG with #40yearflip

Flip: Your Untapped Creativity into a Fun and Relaxing Self Care Activity

Writing as a Self-Care Activity

Despite what you’ve seen in Hallmark Channel movies, not all self-care activities involve going for a walk or meditating. Instead, you can tap into the creativity that’s inside of you, just waiting to get out! And, please, don’t tell me you aren’t creative. You are. Everyone is to one degree or another; you probably just haven’t let your creative muses out of their cage since childhood.

Well, it’s time to unlock that cage, and get creative! The benefits of participating in a creative activity for self care are abundant. You will feel relaxed, accomplished, and you’ll tap into a well of creativity that you didn’t know you had. So, let’s channel our inner artists, writers, and creators, and reap the self care benefits. Here are some creative and artistic activities to help you practice self care:

Get Writing

My go-to activity for creative self care is writing. Writing for self care can take many forms. If you have a story, burning inside of you, by all means, let those creative juices flow from your brain and out of your fingertips. If you enjoy playing around with words sounds, and meanings, try poetry.

Remember, no one ever needs to see the writing you do for yourself, so don’t be afraid to experiment. And most importantly, don’t be afraid of writing something that you think others will see as “bad poetry,” or “bad writing.” Your writing is no one else’s business but yours!

If you feel as if there’s an emotion in your chest or gut that you haven’t let flow out of you, or that you can’t really identify, freewriting is a great way to unleash that emotion. To freewrite, all you need to do is pick up a pen, get a sheet of blank paper, and write as quickly as you can--letting the words flow through you and on to the paper. It is important to write quickly so you don’t censor yourself. The idea here is to achieve a flow and get yourself into a trance-like writing state, so your inner feelings, thoughts, and emotions can come out. By freewriting, you can feel the feelings associated with that emotion, identify the root cause, and then address it. 

I find that when one freewrites like this, a lot of suppressed emotions can be released. Once these emotions are out of your body and on paper, you can then go one step further to releasing these feelings for good by burning the paper or tearing it up. If you aren’t ready to let them go, you could always keep the writing, of course, even if you don’t plan to ever read it again. 

Get Arty

Self care is about engaging in activities that makes you feel good about yourself and give you a break from whatever is causing you stress. By participating in creative and artistic self-care activities, you spend more time focusing on yourself and letting your inner creative bloom.

Getting artistic is another super-easy way to be creative, while practicing self care. You should have some hobbies and activities you truly enjoy, just for yourself—activities that involve more than just watching Netflix and zoning out. 

So, grab a sketchbook and some art tools to draw, sketch, or paint as you wish. Don’t think you are capable of creating art? Well, you are wrong; everyone has at least a little artistic ability. Get on YouTube, and search for tutorials on sketching, watercolor painting, or even flow painting. Immerse yourself in a new way to be artistic and to create. Personally, I couldn’t draw a recognizable stick figure if my life depended on it, but it doesn’t mean I won’t try! 

Artistic and Creative Self Care Ideas

Artistic and Creative Self Care Ideas

Get Coloring

Why is your Instagram account full of pictures of adults coloring? Because it’s a fun, addictive, therapeutic, and oh-so-pretty way to practice self care! I have seen adult coloring books focused on a wide variety of topics from The Golden Girls (which absolutely cracked me up, so of course I bought it!) to intricate, lacy mandalas.

Find one that fits your personality and is designed with the intricacy level you’re looking for. The more intricate the coloring book, the more patience, steadiness, and concentration it will take to complete a page. For some, a very detailed coloring book lets them zone out and get in the flow. For others, it will just seem like an unnecessary chore. We’re all different! So, flip to it, get one that appeals to you, and start coloring. This fun and easy self-care activity allows you to be creative and de-stress by simply coloring and not having to worry about anything. And bonus, it’s a great way to express your artistic side, even if you lack in artistic talent (slowly raises hand.)

Get Crafty

What better way to express your creative side than to learn something brand new? This is the perfect opportunity to get out there and try a new craft or form of art. You don’t have to be naturally artistic to be creative and enjoy any type of creative activity. Doing the activity isn’t the only way to taking better care of yourself, but also in learning how to do it. Think of some hobbies you always wondered about, like oil painting, making jewelry or metal stamping, or giving sewing or knitting a try. Go to Etsy.com and get inspired by all the great crafts, and then look up a tutorial for that craft. Or, visit some of these great crafty sites:

A Beautiful Mess  

Blueprint   

Crafting in a Green World    

30 Minute Crafts   

Get creative, ladies.

What’s your favorite way to get creative? Tell us all about it in the comments so you can inspire us. Or, get social with me on Instagram, and tag your self care pics with #40yearflip

This post may be sponsored or contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through a link. See my full disclosure here.

Simple Strategies for Beating Emotional Eating for Women Over 40

Flip from Emotional Eating to Mindful Eating

Simple Strategies for Beating Emotional Eating for Women Over 40

Simple Strategies for Beating Emotional Eating for Women Over 40

If you’re a bit like me, just the hint of a little stress will send you straight to the kitchen, in search of something yummy, satisfying, and probably not-so-healthy. The intent is, of course, to indulge in some delicious food in order to banish the thoughts that are causing you to stress. Stress manifests in different ways, but many of us can relate to the concept of emotional eating.

Ever catch yourself elbow deep in a bag of pre-popped popcorn after a crap-tastically stressful day? I have. Hell, I have (many times) planned an entire “cheat day” around all the foods I want to eat. I’ve planned entire vacations around eating.

Emotional eating, or stress eating, is when you consume food not out of hunger, but out of anxiety, frustration, or sadness. For some, emotional eating is triggered by a particular traumatic event but for others, it can just be a habitual reaction to stress or emotional turbulence.

But don’t worry—emotional eating is somewhat normal, and, like with anything, if you approach it with a plan, it doesn’t have to be such a bad thing. Besides, we all deserve a treat every now and then, right?

In fact, emotional eating can be great for relieving stress, if you choose the right foods, or the right amounts of the not-so-right food, and, provided it doesn’t get too out of hand. Did you know that eating puts our body into a state of relaxation by activating the parasympathetic nerves? Indulging in and savoring the flavors of food feels good and can lift our moods instantly. Making us flip from grouchy to giddy in no time!

But when emotional eating no longer relieves but rather contributes to stress, it can get out of hand.

Flip from Guilty to Acceptance

Control Emotional Eating

For some, emotional eating can lead to guilty thoughts—this is totally unproductive and you’ve got to flip your way of thinking. Before you give in to emotional eating, set up limits. If you know that eating 3 cookies will make you say, “Oh, well, everyone deserves 3 cookies now and then, and so do I,” then great. Chow down on 3 cookies, and enjoy the heck out of them.

But, if you know that if you have 5 cookies, you’ll feel bad about yourself, be absolutely sure to serve yourself only 3 cookies. Don’t let what should be a pleasurable thing, like treating yourself to some chocolate chip yumminess, give way to self-loathing and feelings of shame. 

Flip from Secrecy to Full Disclosure

If you feel as if you want to hide your eating habits, you know that you are making poor choices. I’m a Health and Wellness Coach, and yet, I’m never ashamed to post a picture of me eating churros and drinking a glass of champagne on my Instagram stories.

I don’t believe in denying myself any of things I love to eat and drink (and do for that matter). It’s all about balance. I know that I made good and healthy eating choices 9 out of 10 times. So, the 1 time I don’t, I make sure I enjoy every last bite. You should too.


Flip from Stressed to De-Stressed

To prevent emotional eating from advancing to the next stage, we need to tackle the problem at its roots: stress, frustration, and other emotional ruts.  

Take up meditation or yoga to simultaneously tackle stress and improve your self-discipline. Engage in a stress-free activity like painting or walking your fur baby, and take plenty of time to distance yourself from whatever may be causing your stress—whether that is work, a stressful home environment, or the people in your life.

If you journal, consider making an emotional eating chart, so you can see if there are any patterns in your eating habits.. Records of your day-to-day eating choices will help prevent you from putting on unwanted pounds and improve your overall mindfulness when it comes to consumption.

Flip from Unhealthy Choices to Healthy Choices

And finally, to manage your emotional eating in a far more healthier way, look for healthy alternatives to your favorite go-to snacks, such as oven baked sweet potato fries instead of the regular deep fried kind, or carrot sticks and hummus instead of tortilla chips. 

Easier said than done, right? Yes and no. Sometimes, a carrot stick just isn’t going to cut it. So, indulge in a small amount of whatever it is you are craving. And then fill up with a healthier side dish. There is always some healthy or healthy-ish food that I crave for a week or two before I move on to the next craving. Sometimes it’s raw veggies and hummus, sometimes it’s ceviche. Whatever your cravings are, I’m sure you can find at least one that isn’t deep fried, coated in sugar, or full of fat.

Flip from raiding the cookie drawer to PREPARED

Being prepared is the best way to avoid making poor choices. I always keep raw veggies and a healthy dip on hand, as well as some boiled eggs, and any other healthy foods that I’m craving that week. Since I’m busy (like, no kidding, who isn’t?) I keep pre-made meal cups by Daily Harvest in my freezer. Daily Harvest cups come all different varieties like smoothies, soups, full meals, chia parfaits (for when you need a guilt-free sweet) and even superfood lattes.

Now, I know that I always have a yummy, super-healthy choice on hand, and keeps me from grabbing an unhealthy snack when I’m hungry and short on options. This alone has improved my diet, and changed the way I choose to indulge and snack. Use my code for 3 free cups to try for yourself: RE-ALEDHH4 

Ready to crave healthier foods? Join my free 5 day program to put an end to cravings!

If you’re at your wits end trying to manage your food cravings and 3pm junk food crashes, then you’ll want to join this email challenge! Over the next 5 days you’ll learn simple yet highly effective strategies that are going to help you crave healthier food instead of the sugar loaded, junk filled kind. 

Trying to reach for celery sticks when your body is craving chocolate and salted caramel cupcakes can seem sort of impossible, but over the next 5 days I am going to share with you 5 simple yet effective swaps to get you listening to your body and craving the good stuff. 

Good food = happy body, healthy mind and natural energy!

Comment below to share your usual go-to craving food is. What is your vice? We all have one (ok….maybe a few!). 

I would love to get to know about your journey to support you better this week during the free program. 

See you tomorrow!





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How to Slay Your Goals and Avoid Overwhelm

Flip: From #AllTheThings to Focused Goal Setting and Achieving

Slay Your Goals and Avoid Overwhelm with the One Flip At A Time Method

Slay Your Goals and Avoid Overwhelm with the One Flip At A Time Method

Let me guess, you’ve got plans. Big ones. Goals too—lots of them.

You start with a small plan, and then you think and think about it, and your little plan to becomes #allthethings!. For example, say you decide that you are going to start eating healthy. And, after you decide on this pretty vague, general goal, your plan to eat healthy has suddenly morphed into something like this:

I’m going to wake up every morning at 5am, go for a 5 mile jog, while listening to self-help audiobooks, and plan out my entire week while running, and while listening to the self-help audiobooks. Then, when I get home, I’m going to make a kale shake with every superfood known to man blended up in it, and take some supplements, and then I’m going to pack another shake to take to work, because I’m never going to have take out every again for the rest of my life. Like ever.

And then, at work, on my lunch break, I’m going to powerwalk around the parking lot while chugging my health shake and listening to more self-help audiobooks. And then, after work, I’m going to go to the gym and join pilates, yoga, spinning, indoor paddleboarding, and sign up to run a marathon. Or better, yet, I’ll sign up to run every marathon in America! 

And then what happens? 

·      You don’t do any of it because you are overcome with overwhelm. 

·      You blame yourself for not achieving any of your goals. 

·      You end up feeling like poo poo about yourself. And then you eat 2 pints of ice cream, while binge watching HGTV, all the while, beating yourself up with negative, self-deprecating thoughts. 

Sound familiar?

I know it does, because we all go through this.

You are not alone. You are not defective. You are not bad at sticking to plans. You are not unable to reach goals. 

You just got caught in the cycle of #allthethings!.

We all want to be our best. And our brain sometimes tricks us, and sets us up for failure, but trying to rush us into being our ideal self.

But no worries, because I’m going to tell you exactly what’s happening in that well-meaning brain of yours, and, most importantly, how to flip those thoughts it so you can slay your goals, every time with the one-flip-at-a-time method.

Slay Your Goals

Yes, your brain means well. It’s trying to make you be your best self. But, often, in this pursuit, it kicks into overdrive, and lays out a plan that, when executed correctly, takes time. 

So what’s the solution? How can you flip from #AllTheThings to focused goal setting and achieving with the one-flip-at-a-time method?

1.   The first step is to recognize when your brain flips into #allthethings! mode. 

2.   Next, tell yourself to stop the cycle. 

3.   Understand that your self-worth is not dependent upon whether or not you can manage #allthethings! or not. Don’t value yourself so low. 

4.   Now, it’s time to actually tackle the initial goal. Likely, when you decide to take on #allthethings!, you actually started with a small goal in mind, before you let your brain go into perfectionism mode. Focus on that one small thing. Set out a single, achievable goal for yourself, and a realistic timeline to work toward and achieve that goal.

For example, say you decide that you’re going to make yourself a kale and berry shake every weeknight before bed, so that in the morning, when you are rushing to get ready, your healthy breakfast is ready for you. You don’t need to think about it. The work was done the night before. Great. That is a single, attainable goal.

Set out to slay it. Repeat this one goal until it becomes a habit--until you do this naturally as part of your evening and morning routine.

5.   Once this habit is firmly in place, add in a second goal. Let’s say you are firmly in the habit of making your weekday shakes at night, and drinking them every morning. Now, what is the next small, attainable goal you can work into your routine? Do you want to add in 20 minutes of walking in the morning? Add it in.

Once that goal has been reached, and the morning walk has become part of your daily routine, you could choose to add in a 3rd, attainable goal. And so on and so forth, until you are slaying it forever and always.

6.   Avoid the temptation of #allthethings!. Once you have reached a milestone, your brain is going to try to convince you to that you can handle adding in a few more goals, and speeding up your timeline. Do not fall for it. Keep your momentum slow and steady. Be the tortoise, not the hare!

7.   Do not let your #allthethings! brain convince you that small victories are not enough. Be proud of every victory, every reached goal. In fact, be proud of every attempt at reaching a goal. 

8.   Do not criticize yourself too harshly if you don’t perfect every goal, every time. Instead, celebrate your small wins, and forgive yourself for small missteps. If you do miss a goal. Shake it off and try again.

Keep that momentum going!

Flipping from #allthethings! to focused goal setting and achieving takes practice and patience with yourself. But it is worth it. You are training yourself to be a goal-slaying master.

Implement this one-flip-at-a-time method every time you want to achieve something. By using this method, you rewire your brain and train it to slay goals in a focused and organized manner, designed to set you up for success. And, once you start slaying those goals, you will learn to think of yourself as a goal slayer, which in turn, will make it even easier to continue on your journey to a better you.

You have it in you to slay those goals. I believe in you. What are you big goals, and how can you slay them by flipping from #allthethings! to focused goal setting and achieving? Lay them out in the comments! And then hit the slay button.

Did someone say slay button? Well, here it is! I’ve made a handy-dandy worksheet, just for you, so that you can flip from#AllTheThings to focused goal setting and achieving, no matter what your goals are.

slaygoalsimage.jpg

Ready to Slay?

Get the workbook

 

How to Be Happier Every Day and In Five Seconds Flat

Flip: From Unhappy to Happy

4 Easy Flips Can Make Your Happier in No Time

4 Easy Flips Can Make Your Happier in No Time

It is so easy to get stuck in the cycle of thinking that one day your life will be better, but just not right now. Or, even worse, that you are doomed to live an unfulfilling life, day in and day out, until one day, you die.

Ugh, that was depressing just to read. I can’t imagine living that way. Well, yes I can, because I did. I lived with that exact mindset for most of my entire adult life. I get it. But what so few realize is that it is so much easier to make the small flips in life that make us happier than to remain stuck and unhappy. 

And, if you are still stuck feeling this way, you, my friend, are not alone. As little experiment, I kept my curious little ears open all last week to hear how people talk about themselves and their lives. (Eavesdropping is one of my super powers, in case you were wondering.) 

Here are a few things I heard:

  • When I win the lottery, I’m going to retire, and move some place better than this. This place is depressing. (I wanted to say, “Yo, you live in Miami. People dream of retiring here. And you are…already here!) 

  • I’m not buying any clothes until I lose five pounds. (Ok, you know who you are, so I’m just going to say right here what I said to your face…Ummm, didn’t you say that like six months ago? And six months before that? And, I think you see where I’m going with this, right? Good! So buy the damn pants and enjoy the heck out of them!)

  • My life is so boring! (I didn’t know this person, but we were sitting at the same happy hour spot, and it was such a great happy hour spot. Who are these people being bored at a happy hour with free tacos? Yes, free tacos.)

Be Happier

Be Happier

If you are brave enough to admit to yourself that you can relate to these Debbie Downers (don’t worry, no one has to know), here are 4 quick and easy flips to get happier in seconds: 

1. Focus on the Good Over the Bad

No matter how spectacularly blah-tastic your life seems right now, there are some shiny little objects you can hold on to. Do you have a warm place to sleep at night? Is your favorite TV show on the DVR, just waiting for you and a tub of ice cream? Did you just send out a meme to everyone you know and now the lols are rolling in? Is there a taco with your name on it out there in the universe (bonus points if it’s free!)?

Can you, your heart, and your brain land on at least 5 good things? Are there 5 things in your life that give you at least a glimmer of joy, hope, or just make you say, “Umm, yes, please!” Good. You are so lucky. You have so much to be happy about.

2. Look back with gratitude instead of regret

Every single thing that has happened to you in your life, every fall, every misstep, every lost lover, every forgotten opportunity, and even every mistake you’ve ever made has made you the you you are right now (there’s a heck-ton of “you”s in that sentence, but hey, this is self-help, and self-help is the one time where it really is ALL ABOUT YOU!) 

Even if you don’t think you are living your best life, or that you aren’t the ideal person you want to be, you know yourself better than anyone else in the world, and you know that you have a plethora of redeeming qualities. And, you’ve earned them. Yes, it would’ve been great if you got the promotion over Sally-know-it-all-down-the-hall, but you learned from that experience. It made you smarter. It made you a bit tougher. Maybe, hopefully, it made you evaluate what you want and what you can do to get it. 

Look back on all your past with gratitude—even the dark and ugly times. The bad times are the ones that give you grit. They are the experiences that build wisdom. You deserve a lot of respect for living through them and surviving, and no one owes you more respect for that than you do. Go you.

3. Flip Your Mindset from Negative to Positive

It sounds so simple because it is. It sounds too simple, in fact—too good to be true. But the truth is, it’s that simple, and it’s that hard. 

It’s simple because deciding to be positive really and truly makes you a happier person. When you decide to look for the positives in any situation, to appreciate the growth and knowledge gained from a less-than-stellar experience, it immediately makes you happier. This is what I call a flip. A flip is a small, quick mindset change that can improve your life.

Flip from dwelling on negativity, and looking for all the chances to be negative, and instead, look for those shiny objects you can grab and hold on to. It’s that simple. But it takes practice—that’s the hard part. 

Start practicing this flip with small things, and soon it will become part of your mindset tool collection. For example, let’s say that after work one day, you go to the grocery, intent on making your Grandma’s famous spinach lasagna. So far, so good. But, once you get there, you discover that they are out of her super-secret ingredient. As soon as your start hearing your brain say things like, “Of course, they don’t have what I need. Isn’t that typical. First I had a crap day at work, and all I wanted was some damn spinach lasagna, and now I can’t even have that. The world is against me. I have the worst luck.”

Flip that switch, girl, pronto. As soon as that voice starts babbling on, cut it off, and tell yourself that you just weren’t meant to make dinner today. And now you have time to finish reading the book you haven’t had time to read, and finally order from that cute new Italian place on the corner. Alone time + book + hot food delivered to your door = perfection. Damn, you’ve got it good.

4. Remember You are in Good Company

I know you think that you are the only one who feels this way. You’re completely convinced that your next door neighbor, your friends on Facebook, and that promotion stealer, Sally-know–it-all-down-the-hall all have their sh*t together, and only you feel this way. But I promise you, that this is not true.

Evidence number 1—remember my little week of eavesdropping on Debbie Downers?

Evidence number 2—Let me tell you, I spend a good chunk of my everyday life, hanging out with other life coaches, and even they have their moments. We all do. And thinking that you are the only one who suffers with this, is just another belief that holds you back from being happier every day. 

So, those are 4 easy mindset flips that you can start practicing right now to make yourself happier in no time. The hardest part is just remembering to implement them, and believing that you have the power to use these flips, and make them work for you. Say them aloud. Write them down. Set a reminder in your phone. Commit to them in comments, right here, right now. Do whatever it takes to remember, implement, and benefit. I believe in you. Don’t flip out. Flip your life. 

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5 Fast Self Care Flips for Women Who Think They’re Too Busy

Flip: From Frazzled to Nurtured in No Time

Self Care: Spending Time with Pets is Good for your Soul and for your Pets’ Too

Self Care: Spending Time with Pets is Good for your Soul and for your Pets’ Too

Technically, we all know how important self care is for women, especially women over 40, who are constantly juggling more than they can handle. But, for busy women, self-care can feel like a luxury that we never have time for.

We’ve been fooled into thinking about spending time, energy, and money on self care as indulgent or selfish. I am here to tell you, right here, right now, flip those self-limiting thoughts and start telling yourself that self care is a vital habit to work into your daily schedule.

A major factor holding women back from practicing self care is they think they need to do something extravagant in order for it to count, or to work, or whatever. Repeat after me, this is not true. Self care doesn’t have to consist of extravagant, long weekends spent at the beach, a trip to the spa, or even taking those crazy expensive Soul Cycle classes. But, hey, if you can swing those things, have at it!

The truth is, self care can be anything (small or big) you do to give you and your body and or mind attention. I want you to take 10 minutes a day, every day this week, to spend on yourself. In fact, I insist.

Here are 5 self-care flips that will take only 10 minutes out of your crazy schedule, but will still benefit your mind and body. Flip to it, girl.

1. S-T-R-E-T-C-H it Out

Do you know that we tend to carry stress in our spines? This is especially true for those of us who spend long hours hunched over the computer, working on our feet, or picking up after the kids. Like many things in our busy lives, our posture and body take the backseat.

I know that when you get home, after you’ve made dinner, and ran all your errands, all you want to do is flop on the couch and flip through Instagram, or curl up with a good book. But, flip that habit. Just before you get ready for chill-out time, take just ten minutes to curl your spine down, and touch your toes. 

Self Care for Women Over 40: Stretching

If you can touch your toes, great, set a goal to be able to touch your palms to the ground by the end of next month. If you can’t touch your toes (don’t worry, no one needs to know!) no worries, most women over 40 haven’t been able to touch their toes in a long, long time. But you’ve got this! I believe in you.

Set a goal to be able to touch your toes in 3 months. Remember, any amount of stretching will do your aching joints and body some long-lasting good. Put that goal in your journal or on your reminders app in your phone.

While you’re at it, stretch the rest of your body as well. Perhaps you can look up a yoga posture, or you have a stretching routine in mind already. Whether it is advanced or basic, any kind of stretching will keep your body functioning well despite periods of inactivity. Touch your toes, extend your arms and gear yourself up physically and mentally for whatever task is at hand.

2. Massage and Moisturize

I know you are crazy busy. I am, too. And I know that I tend to want to jump out of the shower in the morning, dry myself off as quickly as I can, and rush to get dressed. But, I’ve trained myself to spend an extra 10 minutes, indulging in my favorite potions and lotions. It’s great for relaxing before a sure-to-be hectic day, and it will keep you looking younger, longer. Total win-win. 

First, do your facial skin-care routine. I used to just moisturize and go—I never invested in lots of serums, toners, and masks. But, that has all changed now, my friends. I am a subscription box junkie, and now my beauty kit is overflowing with fabulous concoctions. And, I don’t even notice the small amount of money I spend on them—the value far outweighs the costs! And let me tell you, I see a huge difference in the my skin. Huge! 

Next, it’s time to pamper the rest of your body. If you don’t have any special body lotions around, use a natural lotion such as organic coconut oil or avocado oil, and rub it mindfully into your arms and shoulders, and legs. Spread the cream or oil gently and thoroughly and use your hands to massage over your body across areas that you might not realize are aching. You might come across some sudden sore spots, it’s important to focus on those for a moment, rubbing in the lotion. You will be relaxed and energized and your skin will benefit greatly from the extra moisturizing.

3. Drink 2 Additional Glasses of Water Per Day

Water is that little magic potion we all too often ignore: it relieves fatigue, clears skin, detoxes your body, improves digestion, and prevents cramps. And yet we often forget to hydrate, or hydrate so little we get headaches as a result. Not only will drinking two glasses of water help you hydrate, it will also give you much-needed time to get away from your technological devices and focus on your surroundings.

Self Care Drink More Water

Drink the water slowly and savor the break from you work before you dive back into it. Take it in slow sips, and be sure to follow this tip regularly to met your daily requirement of H2O. 

Not a big water fan? I used to hate water. I know that sounds weird, but I did. But for people who don’t like water, you are just not used to drinking it. You have to condition yourself by drinking water several times a day, every day.

And, I was terrible at remembering to drink it. I invested in a 25 ounce Swell bottle, that I now remember to take with me every day. I got the big one, and I fill it up every morning, and I don’t allow myself to go to bed until I’ve consumed every last drop. It helps to add in a little squeeze of fresh lemon or lime to add a touch of flavor. Sometimes, I add in fresh mint leaves, too. It’s so refreshing. 

4. Play with your pet or go for a walk

Whether it’s a furry friend or a tank full of fish, scientists have proven the health benefits of animals at every turn. A pet of your own means a faithful companion. And, spending time with a pet is a proven way to lower blood pressure and increase oxytocin levels.

The enjoyment from pets can be calming and repetitive motion of petting your companion (or even staring at a fish tank!) will help soothe you. Don’t have a pet? Go for a walk to your local dog park; just taking in the sights of other dogs and animals has the same impact on your wellbeing. 

5. Phone a Friend, you Chatty Cathy, You


At a time where connectivity options are abundant, it’s funny how disconnected we actually are. The troubles of everyday life can be exhausting and drain us of all the time and will to socialize beyond what is absolutely necessary. During our free time there are personal things we need to tend to that make socializing take a back seat. But to truly care for ourselves, we need to nurture social and emotional aspects as well.

While it’s easy to pick up your phone and send a text, take ten minutes out of your day to chat with a friend or family member. You benefit just as much as they do. Simply talk about your day and maintain the feeling of being connected. Your support system can help relieve stress and help you to maintain a healthy mindset through your shared bond.

Self care isn’t just about facials, eating your greens and getting your hair done. It’s also about the soul food that fuels you and the small things that make big impacts on your overall wellbeing. By practicing these 5 tips, you get to spend a handful of minutes away from whatever it is you do each day and you get to separate yourself from the chaos and stress of your daily life.

Do you practice some sort of self care? Share with us below, and give us some fresh ideas. Or, head on over to Instagram and tag your self care pics or stories with #40yearflip.

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